(in the style of Jeff Foxworthy's: You Might Be A Redneck)
You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?"
The U.S. feels like a foreign country.
Wal-Mart's cereal aisle has ever made you cry.
You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
You would rather eat seaweed than fast food.
You call cookies biscuits and biscuits scones.
Your life story uses the phrase "Then we went to..." five times.
You watch nature documentaries, and you think about how good that would be if it were fried.
You think in grams, meters, and liters.
You speak with authority on the quality of airline travel.
You don't know what year you graduated AIM, but you are certain what year you started it.
You go to the U.S., and get sick from a mosquito bite.
You've ever gotten peanut butter and Kool-Aid for Christmas.
National Geographic makes you homesick.
You have strong opinions about how to cook bugs.
People simply don't understand you.
You have friends from or in 29 different countries.
You do your devotions in another language.
You sort your friends by continent.
You keep dreaming of a green Christmas.
"Where are you from?" has more than one reasonable answer.
You are grateful for the speed and efficiency of the U.S. Postal Service.
You realize that furlough is not a vacation.
You've spoken in dozens of churches, but aren't a minister.
You stockpile Dr Pepper.
You know what real coffee tastes like.
The majority of your friends don't speak English as a first language.
Someone brings up the name of a team, and you get the sport wrong.
You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
You know there is no such thing as an international language.
You tell Americans that democracy isn't the only viable form of government.
You realize what a small world it is, after all.
You never take anything for granted.
You know how to pack, and have made an art form out of it.
All preaching sounds better under a corrugated tin roof.
You know raw fish tastes better than cooked.
Going to the post office is the highlight of your day.
When you sing songs to yourself in a language other than English.
When you get excited over finding Doritos at 7-11.
When after the church service you look for a slide projector to put away.
When wearing shoes in the house sounds disgusting.
You carry Bibles in two languages to church.
You watch an English language video and read the foreign language subtitles.
When you dream in a foreign language.
When you carry a dictionary everywhere you go.
When you forget how to count American money.
When adults want to pay you to teach them English.
When you would rather sleep on the floor than on the bed.
When you find a picture of yourself on someone's refrigerator and the words "pray for me."
When you know how to send a fax using an international call back service.
When you have carried the same dollar bill in your wallet for four years.
When you write in your diary in a foreign language.
When driving on the right side of the road gives you the willies.
When eating with chop sticks seems natural.
When you refuse to change hands when eating with a fork and knife.
When the message on your answering machine is in two languages.
When you move into a new house you take a gift to all your neighbors.
When cleaning up means sweeping the street in front of your house.
You consider parasites, dysentery, or tropical diseases to be appropriate dinner conversation.
You tell people what certain gestures mean in different parts of the world.
You have stopped in the middle of an argument to find the translation of a word you just used.
You calculate exchange rates by the price of Coke.